A Break

Sandy got married. Hi hi... The trip to TVM to attend his marriage will remain in my heart for ever. Boarded Garib rath at 9pm frm YPR n we had a lot of fun in train. Reached TVM by abt 12.15pm the next day and had lunch frm Sandeep's home and after dat went straight to Ponmudi. During my Btech days i never went there even for once. The trip was awesome n still d taste of the ' vada ' that i had frm a road side shop remains in my tongue. We came back n checked in to the hotel by around 8.30pm.

Visited the padmanabha swamy kshetram the next day but that wasnt really good. Evrywer ppl r obsessed with money. Too many ' unnecessary rules ' . Frm there we went to Sreemoolam club where d marriage was arranged. Had a small chat with sandy. Presented him the ' special gift ' wrapped in a presentation paper pasted with the sandy baba's photo. :D. Had our lunch n then we went to Vazhvanthol water falls. This time Mahind also accompanied us.

The trip was good but i was not feeling particularly fine by d end of it. couldnt sleep properly n even at home, i was a little worried n was angry for nothing. The only change that had crept in me whn i compare myself 6 - 7yrs ago is dat i can control almost all my anger rather than spitting out something n regret later.

Later i realized something n now i am at peace with myself.

Just Awesome

Got up at 6.30am for the past three days. Ppl who knew me know clearly for wat i am getting up so early (6.30 am is too early for a person like me.). First day i went to the ground n slept on the steps !!!. But i was really determined that i wud do something the next day. As soon i entered lallu said, "do round marke aa". Wake up call captain. It was actually me who set that 2 round rule. But no exceptions even for the captain himself ha ha... i started "snailing". The effect of 2 months rest was conspicuous. Then i looked around. I was told that there wud b pretty girls jogging around in the morning but i cud find none but to my surprise a familiar face-- Keeleri...I looked at him. He was jogging faster than me with his injured leg. "Oh captain, u shud be ashamed of urself" i thot. n then the real sprinter in me came to life and completed 2 rounds within a few min. By dat time lallu n others started warming up n after doing some fielding drills, i was told to "pad up". Again altogether a different feeling since i was taking charge of the nets for the past 1.5 yrs. But that was good. I batted for about 15-20 min. Frankly i must admit that i was way below my best, edging, hitting the bottom,edges of the bat etc. "Ok, 1st day. Will improve as days pass by" i thot. 

30-4-2012

i woke up with that old injury of mine which i knew deep inside my hear that it wud end my career sooner or later. I hate ligaments, F&^% u.. ha ha... But my heart said i shud go. I started limping to the ground. I did my warm up n told lallu that i wud just field  n no batting or bowling. But it was really painful, especially while changing directions. Our session ended early as there were only a few ppl. Met sports officer and discussed about the refund of tickets.Had breakfast n was really surprised to see a friend there so early in mess. On the way back to PD, there were a few steps to climb on. Literally i cudnt lift my leg which reminded me of the day when i was lifted n brought back to my home frm ground.  Some how i managed to reach my room. Took rest till aftrnoon.Went for lunch with every one. Came back n tried several time to call sports officer to knew abt the  tickets n refund. i cud talk to him only by 5pm n he said dat i had to reach KSCA office by 6pm. Then it was "fast n furious". Got the tickets n sped to KSCA. There were a few occasions when the speedometer touched a little more than 70kmph. It was very fast considering the bangalore traffic n my stds of driving. Habeeb was also there with me as he knew the route very well. In front of the stadium, there was a huge line of vehicles waiting to pass by the signal. 

5:49pm : we were in front of Gate no: 9. i told habeeb to take care of the bike n then got down. asked a gate keeper where the office was. he told Gate no:1 which was around 500 m frm der. dint think too much... a sprint...

5.53: Gate 1: "want to meet shankar"  without any hesitation the watched let me in. again ran inside. some ppl were looking at me like some body came to bomb the building or something. Shankar was a nice guy. he directed me to the refunding dept and i got the money back.

It was the first time that i entered the KSCA office and i must admit that it was decorated handsome with lot of autographs, photos, mementos... a memorable place for any cricket lover..cool... i took some photos, came back n thanked shankar n came out. As i came out, i started to feel that excruciating pain in my leg. Probably it has started again whn i sprinted to KSCA n might have been there whn i was inside also but i felt it only after coming out. Probably the thought of other things made me feel nothing. i asked habeeb to ride n i sat behind. dropped hab at prakruti n i wanted to return the money but it was hard to drive. Some how i managed to reach lab n now 8.27pm i am in my desk writing this. hav to go for dinner n also to tell lallu that i cant come tomorrow.. not bcoz  i hav pain but i hav to drop csk at mekri circle at 7am as he is going home to attend his uncle's funeral.

i am feeling good... just awesome feeling... also i am revising some things which to some others is trivial or obvious but not to me :D

MRI (rt) shoul

Vagus Hospital, Malleswaram, Bangalore
I: "kannada gothilla. English or hindi??"
Receptionist: "Yaru..... nod.... beku?"
I:"&%$*#...I have an appointment with doctor Sankar"
R:"................
.........
............. Wait maadi"
I: "alrt gyan is over" i thot
After 15 min.
Dr. Sankar: " MRI (rt) shoul"

I went to the billing Rs.6700 "Oh F&^*%" and then to the MRI scanning room at the basement. The guy there was cordial. He asked me to change to a gown. N after a few min, i am in that gown which dint have any buttons. It was hard to keep my body covered as i had nothing but only my underwear. Then the machine operator gave me some instructions "Do not move. if u move images wont come out properly and the scanning will take longer.There will be tak tak sound inside. Dont worry." Then he fitted an equipment to my right shoulder, asked me to lie down also gave me a head phone to listen to some FM station. Then he said "it is going to take some 30-40 min". "Oh my god"i thot. Then he pushed me inside a hollow cylindrical equipment. Initially it was fine. Then that tak tak sound... it was more than just tak tak... it was really banging but not continuously. Intermittently i was able to listen to some songs but felt choked inside dat hole after some time. But "i shud not move" this thot kept me there motionless. Also some other common phenomenons started surfacing. Whn u dint want to  move, some parts of ur body starts itching and it was no different for me. Those parts of the body which have never itched had also started itching... Then i thot of some of the previous days' happenings and also to write abt many things which i have been holding for some time. I have found out the titles for my posts, viz,

1. The concept of private roads
2. You killed the friend in me (Action thriller fiction ha ha...)

After abt 30 min, i got my freedom. Changed to my normal dress and i was told to come 2day (26.04.2012) to get the results.

And the result said "Marrow edema: STIR marrow hyperintensity"

couldnt understand much until the doc said " Inflammation in the joint which reduced the effective space for shoulder movements"

Happy that my ligaments are fine. Got another set of medicines and also told to meet the doc after 15 days.

Left half way...

After long, if u still have contacts with her, tell her that i loved her from the bottom of my heart. U know y i started writing those pages? Its for her. i had dreamed of a long life with her and whn i die after so many years, she would b sad. Seeing her sad, my soul wud also become sad and at that moment i wud ask God my last wish:- to talk to her one last time. Then god wud grant me my wish and I wud come back to her and tell her to open those pages n read. It contains all the little talks that we had together :- from the first word we spoke to the last word and my page wud end with a note that wud read

"i loved u, love u and will continue to do that even after my death and if i am born again, u will be the only one i am going to love"

A long life together means a lot of pages to read and she wud take months to complete and whn she browses thru those pages she wud relive all those beautiful moments that we had spent together and whn she completes reading, it wud fill her with new hopes to live the rest of her life. That way i cud alleviate her pain even after my death.

....but i died b4 i took birth....

The Unexpected Friend

Whn adversities strike, we look around to see if we can get s helping hand from somebody. And i got this unexpected friend of mine during one such bad phase(in fact this turned out to be a nice experience whn i look back) of my life. He has been there with me all through my life but i was quite naive to realize that. I always wanted to be like him from my childhood on wards. i wore his big shirt to school when i was in fourth grade, i wore his 'mundu'(dhothi) at home at an young age even against my mi's wishes. i have got utmost respect for him but i dont know if i have loved him like i love my mi. I talk to him but i dont talk to him like i talk to my mi. Whenever i was asked the question who is my role model in life, i dint have to think twice. it was and is him only as always.

".....But it teaches a great lesson... There are limitations to our aspirations, desires and hopes. At the same same the loss has made you richer. Haven't you heard that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? It will take some time to settle your mind and view things as normally.

In my opinion one should experience loss in love rather than achievement(s) alone. When in pain one won't understand the meaning of this statement. But, as the saying goes, wisdom comes late and then you will appreciate the great lesson. Love is a serene feeling and an experience. All men and women should experience it. Otherwise a great chapter of life is lost."

Powerful words....

Till now i used to say i respected him more than i loved him. But now on wards i feel he is the dearest friend i have ever got in my life. But i dont think i can pick up a quarrel with you for nothing which i used to do with mi hi hi...

And one last thing that i forgot t0 tell you in all these yrs...

Love you Dad..

urs

Solitude

I am scared of solitude. That is whn d wounds of the past draw blood from the heart n gets back to life.

To the unknown

i lost a battle to someone whom i dont know, havent even seen once but one thing i know is dat he is lucky. I know dat i am the loser n i bow out graciously. But let me tell u friend dat i am really really jealous of you and also let me mention that i aslo planned to kill u if i get a chance to meet u. I know i had been so naive.Now i perfectly understand that there r some things that cannot b obtained even if we dive deep into it.

i bow out graciously. i know u wont see this but deep down from my heart i wish u all the best and a happy life. May god bless u n my prayers.....